Best Giant Swiss Army Knife Review: Wenger 16999
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First of all, let me tell you a little about myself and how I came to need such mystical tools of survival. In the beginning, I was born from the ashes of Lincoln and Roosevelt then raised by Hemingway, a troop of firefighters, and werewolves. I was taught to fight evil of all forms from politics to the undead. I can tell you from experience, there has never been a tool half as useful as the Wenger - The Giant Knife. Let me give you a brief example from yesterday: I woke up after my amazing night's rest in the Wenger's king size murphy bed (with satin sheets). Once the women were dressed and out the door, I made coffee from the Wenger's cappuccino machine. Then I headed out the door, Wenger in hand. I came across a two old women selling crochet crosses. I pulled my Wenger out of my pants to get to my wallet. The ladies saw this and died in ecstasy just at the size of my Wenger. Now Armed with two crochet crosses, I went to the cave. This cave was the home of a 58 mouthed snake that looked more like a chainsaw blade than a snake. After traveling 5 miles on the Wenger's hoverboard, I reached the treasure surrounded by the serrated beast. I unfolded my 3 Spartan army and easy bake oven from the Wenger and went into battle. After 15 minutes, the 3 Spartan's had dismantled the toothy monster's 58 mouths just as my cupcakes were ready. The four of us enjoyed my marbled chocolate-vanilla cupcakes (with sprinkles) while counting the treasure and mocking the mouthless snake that lay before us. After counting the treasure, I pulled out the Wenger's Millennium Falcon and obliterated the Spartans. Seriously, I obliterated Spartans with the Wenger. I think that alone is enough reason to get one! Anyway, Spartans suck at sharing. I flew out of the cave in the Wenger's Millennium Falcon and crossed the River of Desolation just east of The Mountain of Despair. I was hungry, so I pulled out the Wenger's giant spider legion and they shot down 4 flying dragons with their dark matter tusk lasers. It was pretty cool. Lunch was alright.The Wenger 16999 is on sale now at Amazon – Click Here for Lowest Price!
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So I was on the sofa eating some pizza watching The Office and I get a call from the U.S. Government special operatives division located in a remote area in Latin America. Apparently, they are not to fond of us and they want me along with 5 dudes to battle an army of approximately 300 individuals. They are sending a Dutch special commander by the name of Arnold Schwarzenegger who I do not know of....if you can clue me in to who this is let me know. Why they only chose 5 to battle 300 cocaine induced violent guerillas is beyond me....but hey it's the government they work in strange ways sometimes. There's also a haunting tale from the locals of some sort of camouflaged beast completely disemboweling, decapitating and ripping the flesh off individuals and hanging them off trees. Well, to make a long story short, everyone died but during the horrible traumatizing carnage, I recall I was hungry as hell and I remember I had purchased a Wenger 16999 Giant Swiss Army Knife from Amazon. I reached over to my backpack while dodging futuristic lazer beams that would strip the flesh off anything that crossed it's path. I quickly opened up my can of Gloria's Jalapeno flavored beans and was glad I had made this purchase. A must buy!